OK so it is about time I came out and admitted it. I am in love… Yep, you read correctly… Love. After three years of successfully dodging the male species, one has somehow managed to wriggle his way into my heart. I have started writing a blog about this so many times, but I can just never find the right words to express what I am feeling and really, how do I condense two months of craziness into one blog? So here goes trying…
Traveling (if you do it properly) is always a challenging journey full of growth and learning, so I always expect some confronting times. But nothing had prepared me for this. It was as if I was on the world’s scariest rollercoaster where the brakes weren’t working so I had to just stay on there feeling like I needed to puke.
I have spent three long years committed to my yoga practice, looking at the parts of me that no longer served me with the hopes of becoming a more loving and compassionate person. But in comes a man and all of a sudden so many of these bad behaviours came rushing back. I was erratic and out of control and the worst part was that I knew it, but I didn’t know how to stop it! I realised that although I had burned off a lot of these issues on my own, now I had to go through the whole process again with someone else. My first reaction was… run for your life!
But of course, I soon realised that running was not going to fix anything and if I really wanted to sort these issues out, I needed to stay and face the music. So for the past two months I have been doing just that.
If you had asked me what kind of person I would be with before I left home I would’ve told you that ideally he would be a spiritual type… One who doesn’t drink etc. Not really necessary for him to be vegan but would have to be open to it. He would have similar beliefs to me… You know, basically the male version of me. Haha, how wrong could I have been? Who knew that I would end up loving a smoking, drinking, party loving, unorganised carnivore who hates sharing his private life on social media?
They say that opposites attract but at first (and even now) I was thinking that for sure this couldn’t work. How could two people who are so different actually get along? I have always found it so confusing that men and women are almost like different species and yet we are expected to love and tolerate each other.
But one of the biggest things I have learned is that relationships are such a unique opportunity. I mean, when you think about it, you get to see the world through another person’s eyes! How special is that? I began to realise that this crazy human was helping me to understand things from a completely different perspective and if I really tried to understand him more, I could completely expand my way of thinking.
Don’t get me wrong, there are times when everything seems impossible. I have even tried to let him go on a few occasions when things got too hard. I read once that ‘some people come into your life just to teach you how to let go’ and I started to think that this is for sure what this was. But now I see that what I really needed to let go of were my expectations. My expectations of how I should feel. My expectations of how he should act and what he should say. My expectations of what love is. My expectations of what makes a healthy relationship. My expectations of what will happen in the future and especially my expectations as to whether this could last long term.
I know how a ‘summer love’ works and I am well aware that when I leave in a month’s time and our circumstances change, this could all become a distant memory. But I also know that I will never forget this summer – the summer when someone completely shook me up, ripped down my walls, shone a bright light on my ego and all the while made me laugh more than anyone else I have ever met.